the BCC thing is something I can half-implement with Fastmail. I can force all incoming mail to come into Fastmail by using my own domain. The outgoing mail can be sent through a process which uses only "my" SMTP. But what I can't assure a in a legal sense is that the outgoing mail from a FM account ONLY came into that account from my domain or ONLY went out thru that SMTP server. It's the beautiful flexibility of FM that makes it so broken when I need it for business.
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